Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as’HILLBILLIES.’
You must now refer to us as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore…
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’ – She is a’BREASTED AMERICAN.’
2. She is not a ‘SCREAMER’ or a ‘MOANER’ – She is ‘VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.’
3. She is not ‘EASY’ – She is ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.’
4. She is not a ‘DUMB BLONDE’ – She is a ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.’
5. She has not ‘BEEN AROUND’ – She is a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.’
6. She is not an ‘AIRHEAD’ – She is ‘REALITYIMPAIRED.’
7. She does not get ‘DRUNK’ or ‘TIPSY’ – she gets ‘CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED’
8. She does not have ‘BREAST IMPLANTS’ – She is ‘MEDICALLY ENHANCED.’
9. She does not ‘NAG’ you – She becomes ‘VERBALLY REPETITIVE.’
10. She is not a ‘TRAMP’ – She is ‘SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.’
11. She does not have ‘MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS’ – She is ‘PECTORALLY GIFTED.’
12 She is not a ‘TWO-BIT HOOKER’ – She is a ‘LOW COST PROVIDER.’
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a ‘BEER GUT’ – He has developed a ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.’
2. He is not a ‘BAD DANCER’- He is ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN.’
3. He does not ‘GET LOST ALL THE TIME’ – He ‘INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.’
4. He is not ‘BALDING’ – He is in ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSION.’
5. He is not a ‘CRADLE ROBBER’ – He prefers ‘GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.’
6. He does not get ‘FALLING-DOWN DRUNK’ – He becomes ‘ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.’
7. He does not act like a ‘TOTAL ASS’ – He develops a case of ‘RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.’
8 He is not a ‘MALE CHAUVINIST PIG’ – He has ‘SWINE EMPATHY.’
9. He is not afraid of ‘COMMITMENT’ – He is ‘RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.’
10. He is not ‘HORNY’ – He is ‘SEXUALLY FOCUSED.’
11. It’s not his ‘CRACK’ you see hanging o ut of his pants – It’s ‘REAR CLEAVAGE’
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